Be Better
Inspire and motivate people around the world with anecdotes, quotes and stories from the life of Kai Roer.
Updated: 5 days 35 min ago
Fri, 09/03/2010 - 20:44
One year ago, I was stuck in a hospital after the car accident . When waking up in the hospital, I was extremely grateful for being alive, and for the experience of this gratitude. I made myself a promise that day - I would keep my body and mind fit. To do so, I needed to set myself some goals. My first goal was to run a marathon in one year. It felt like a great goal to have, even though at that time I could not walk, and I needed help to do the simplest tasks. You may of course argue that the drugs they filled me with removed my sense of self control. You may even be right.
I spent the year working out hard. A few months after the accident, I was back running. Not far, and not fast, but I was running. I probably scared the moose crazy, and the people I met looked at me with dazzle in their eyes. I made more air sounds than an old steam engine. But I was running.
I quickly quit the painkillers, as I feared they would make me push harder than my body would sustain. I learned to accept the pain in my lungs, in my legs and in my back. I will not claim that I enjoyed it. It did help me feel alive.
Six months ago, I came to the bitter realization that I would not be able to run a marathon this year. Perhaps a half-marathon next year. Or the year after that. The reason is that my left knee holds me back. Somewhere between five and eight KMs, it simply refuses to cooperate, forcing me to walk. And I have no plan of walking a marathon.
Accepting the fact that I would not cross the finish line of a marathon this year, I decided to change my goal. I had read about different running games, and had been intrigued by triathlons for some time. Imagine the Ironman! What an achievement it must be! Looking more into triathlons, I learned that they come in different lenghts - Ironman being on the longer end, and Sprint on the shorter end.
Looking into the different classes, I discovered the Triathlon Sprint class. 750 meter swiming, 20 km bike, and 5 km running. I knew I would have no challenge on each one of these distances, and figured I should be able to finish them together too. Thus, in May 2010, I decided to take part of my first triathlon - the Stockholm Triathlon 2010 . The date was August 29th, almost exactly one year after my accident. A nice twist, I thought. I felt the need to work up my swimming abilities - I did not feel like drowning. Going to the pool a few times, I soon got back into swimming shape, and could easily do 1500 meters. Only challenge, I do not crawl. Breastswimming means lower speed. And the wet suit I wore made the swimming harder than expected. Focusing on my rythm, trying not to pay attention to those who swam past me, I enjoyed the water.
One houndred meters from the shore, I discovered my son hailing me and cheering me on. I picked up my pace, and started to swallow water, pretending everything was ok. I made it to the shore, half-blind, half-drowned, forcing a smile to him.
At the first drinking station I tried to get down some water. My body quickly told me that I had had enough allready, so I moved on to my bike. Stripping out of the wet suit, trying to ignore the ladies that started to appear, I managed to get into my running trousers and to put my t-shirt on. I remembered to put on the start number, and made my way out of the changing area with some grace. I tried not to think about the fact that mine had been the only bike left.
Twenty kilometers bikeriding was a breeze. I even managed to pass a few of the other contestants on my old and battered mountain bike. And I scared a few of the guards that tried to warn about tights curves. Years of practicing mountain biking meant I had great control of my bike. I had an even pace all the time, and nothing eventful happend.
Upon arriving at the change area again, I noticed my son again, hailing me on. I smiled, lost my focus, and almost hit a couple of bystanders while jumping off the bike. Casually, well, at least I wanted to look causally, running to the bike stand, I changed into running shoes and went on for the dreaded last exercise. The 5K running.
It felt smart to grab an energy drink, something I regretted at the same time I tried to swallow. Somehow, I do have a challenge with the syntetic taste of these energy drinks, I prefer water. I tossed the glass, and stumbled on along the track. I realised that I clutched on to a banana in my left hand, and knew I should be eating it. Yes, it is a short race. Yes, I like to eat. And YES! I ate the banana, and felt the energy coming back to me.
I must admit that my speed was slow, I had people running pass me all the time. I did not mind, I enjoyed the fact that I would make my goal - finish a triathlon one year after my life-threatening accident.
Running towards the finishing line, I saw my son Leo cheering me on. My throat swelled, and I could not help but letting out tears. I felt great achieving my goal. I felt so proud, I was so happy to be able to share this important moment in my life with the most important person in my life.
Tue, 08/10/2010 - 11:37
There has been a total lack of updates on bebetter.no the past months. I can blame summer, sun, vacation and many other things for this, but the only truth is that I have been very busy writing.
Yes, writing.
Since April, I have been writing The Leaders Workbook, a workbook designed to help leaders reflect on their leadership, their leadership skills and the way they influence themselves, their teams and their organizations.
The book is due in November, and is currently being translated into eight different languages.
You will be kept up-to-date of the progress! 
Tue, 05/25/2010 - 08:49
Those of you who know me, know that I love communication. I love influencing people, listening, being influenced, provoke and being provoked. I have developed a nice toolbox of methods, techniques and strategies to get my own message across, and to analyse the messages that I recieve. I try to look for the full content - not only the words, or my own pre-judices.
Some times I encounter people and situations where it seems all they want is to create misunderstandings and problems. It may happen like this: You talk to someone, trying to explain your point of view. The people you talk to seems to deliberately listen only for critisism, not for your full message. Instead of listening to your proposed solutions, they enter into a defense mode, forcing them to only look for words and information that they can use against you.
This behavior is particularly evident in circumstances involving a high degree of emotions. You see it in change management scenarios, where one (or both) party is doing all it can to avoid the proposed change. It also becomes evident in negotiations going wrong. And it becomes evident in projects running late, and the project manager lacks (or forgets) his role as diplomat.
I have witnessed a party of two people - who happen to work together in a company that is in need of a change of direction, and who are also family. The roles are Father and CEO, as well as majority share holder, and the Daughter, member of the board, minority share holder. The past ten years, this particular company has spend much time developing a great product, in a market in huge demand. Unfortunately, as is often the case with engineering companies, they lack the required business development skills to create a great success.
The Daughter has tried to get accept for some minor, and some major, changes to the way the company is ran. Her proposal includes changes to the organization, as well as professionalising the management by involving parts of her network, people whom she know and trust.
The Father declines most of these changes, except a few of the minor changes, those that will not mean much without the major changes. He has his own ideas of how to build this company, and don´t seem too found of other ideas. It is easy for him to find faults in the ideas that does not fit his own comfort zone, and instead of challenging himself, he attacks the ideas and the person behind them.
This way of communication creates many challenges, and tragedies. For one, the Father has tried for ten years, without much success. Perhaps it is time to accept that there are different ways? Even though I strongly believe that persistency is a key success factor to any entrepreneur, failing to adapt to reality is just wrong. Failing to listen to younger people (in this scenario), with a different view of the world and business is equally wrong. And choosing to deny changes that are painful, and required, just because they do not align 100% with his own ideas, well that show a disturbing lack of agility and humbleness. Two other key factors to any successful entrepreneur today.
But the worst mistake the Father is doing in this particular case, is failing to see how his actions are removing any and all motivation to develop this company. Not seeing how he is pushing his other partners into negativity, where they no longer feel the need nor responsibility to help develop the company. Instead, he blame his Daughter for being illoyal. While the truth is that he is unable to accept that his actions forces her to resign. Against her own will.
From my view, the interesting thing in this conversation consists of two parts:
they both want to create a great success. This becomes evident when looking at their engagement and ideas, how they invest their time, and how they constantly try to come up with better ways to create success. Still, lack of understanding, and most importantly, lack of humbleness in listening to each others ideas and suggestions, creates a dividing gap.
they both seem to question the others abilities and interest in the company, thus reducing their trust in each other. Misintrepreting the other persons ideas as critisism instead of valuable suggestions, helps drive them apart.
So what can they do?
First of all, they need to get off their high horses and start listening to each other. This both means learning to listen, but also learning to communicate in a way that increases the likelyhood of the other persons understanding.
Secondly, they need to trust each other. They need to understand that allthough they disagree with some of the strategies and tactics, they have the same goal. They share the same interest, and they want the same success.
Thirdly, they would do good to understand that there are several routes to Rome, even for this company. One way may be shorter, faster or better suited (or look that way just now), but that does not make that route the only possible one, nor the only viable one. Open up to alternatives, and dare look down those alternatives. Dare to run the scenarios, and see what may happen. Both of you.
Fourth - remember that you are family first. Business should never replace that.
Lastly, keep in mind that words can come out very strong, especially when in an emotional state. Consider both what YOU say, and also what the other party is saying. Try to walk a mile in the other persons shoe´s before you judge their actions.
What else can they do? What are your experiences? What tips can we give to people in similar situations?
Thu, 05/20/2010 - 16:07
In Stockholm, Sweden, enjoying an ice latte is just as great as enjoying a cappucino in Rome, or a glass of wine in Paris. Especially now, medio May, springtime in the Nordics.
I have found myself a perfect spot today - on the corner of Ringvägen and Götagatan, just across the street for Åhlens, is a petit coffee shop, two chairs only on the inside, seven outside where I am.
This must be one of the busiest spots in Stockholm - at least if counting beautiful ladies in summer dresses. Not even my ice latte - a nice ice coffee alternative - can keep the hottness of these walking and talking praise to life, love and summer. I get so inspired I cannot help sharing this moment with you.
Spring time and beauty in summer dress,
lovers walking hand in hand,
I can hear a band,
kids playing in the sand,
Perfect day - nothing less!
Spring time in the Nordic countries is something really special. It is not something I dare try to explain nor describe. It suffice to say it is a praise to life. Just like the cherry trees that are blooming to celebrate spring and love and a new cycle of life, the people in the North enter the streets in summer clothing, colorful, smiling, joyful and grateful for the sun that wakes then from the cold.
All shapes, all colors. Any age, any background, and any future. This time of year is dedicated to sun, love and life. And this dedication engulfs a beauty so strong it blinds anything in its way. No matter who you are, you cannot help the contagious contamination that slips in under your skin with the first sun. At first you do not reccognize it. After some time - minutes, hours, days - you find yourself smiling, and you get this increasing urge to go outside - no matter what you do or where you are.
You may find yourself buying a bottle of wine and some picnic food, inviting your friends or lover to enjoy some hours in the company of you and the spring. Or you may find yourself sipping on an ice latte enjoying the beauty of life, love and spring at a coffeeshop in the sun.
No matter what, it is impossible not to take part of the praise and celebration. If at all possible, I suggest you spend late winter and spring time in this region to experience this great, collective joy.
Being part of this celebration is a huge energy boost for me, as well as a nice inspiration.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Location:Ringvägen,Stockholm,Sverige 
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